marți, 18 septembrie 2012

Cele mai bune citate marca George Carlin

George Carlin este omul care spune "viața merita pierduta". George ar spune ca e ironie, nu o coincidență. George Carlin Dennis s-a născut la 12 mai 1937 în New York City și în ultimele decenii, el a fost făcut pentru stand-up comedy mai bine decât oricine altcineva de pe planeta. El a supărat o mulțime de oameni și a acumulat unele dintre cel mai amuzante, si controversate citate cunoscute de om. 

1.Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
 2. You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
 3. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
 4. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
 5. I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
 6. One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
 7. “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
 8. The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
 9. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
10. The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. “No comment” is a comment.
13. You can’t argue with a good blowjob.
14. If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
15. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
16. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
17. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
18. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
19. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
20. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

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